Building Confidence

"Confidence is silent. Insecurity is loud" 

Hi Friend!

Working as a therapist since 2007, this topic is so common and is a running thread. Lack of confidence really leaves a void in our soul and can be all consuming. It is important to understand that self-belief and confidence is key to personal growth. It empowers us to face challenges head-on, pursue our goals, and develop a positive self-image. Building confidence is a journey, not a destination. Be kind to yourself and focus on progress, not perfection. Confidence isn’t just about feeling good because you’re having a good hair day or wearing your favorite outfit, although that can help. Confidence is about how you carry yourself every day. When you're confident, you feel steady and sure no matter what's going on around you.

Having confidence can bring a host of benefits:

• Healthier lifestyle choices

• Success in the workplace

• Positive social interactions

• Resilience

• Happiness

• Better decision making

• Less fear and anxiety

There are several ways you can increase your self-confidence. Whether you lack confidence in one specific area or struggle to feel confident about anything, these tips can help you be more confident:

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Do you compare how you look to people you follow on Instagram? Or maybe you compare your salary to what your friend earns. But that isn't likely to help boost your self-confidence. It may even have the opposite effect. 

How do you build self-confidence when you notice that you are drawing comparisons? First, remind yourself that doing so isn’t helpful. Everyone is running their own race and life isn’t a competition.

If you’re feeling envious of someone else’s life, it's also helpful to remember your own strengths and successes. Keep a GRADITUDE list to better recall the areas in life where you are blessed. This can help you focus on your own life versus focusing on the lives of others.

Social media is especially nefarious in this way. It is a system practically designed to foster comparison. But remembering that people generally only post the very best and the very worst of their experiences can help you celebrate your daily victories, which can boost your confidence.

Remember, everyone is facing their own battles. What looks “perfect” behind closed doors, is usually fake, so you are likely comparing to someone who is fighting a battle(s) that you don’t even know about.

Surround Yourself With Positive People

Take a moment and think about how your friends make you feel. Do they lift you up, or do they bring you down? Are they constantly judging you, or do they accept you for who you are? 

The people you spend time with can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself, perhaps more than you realize. So, pay attention to how others make you feel. If you feel bad about yourself after hanging out with a particular person, it may be time to say goodbye.

Instead, surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. Seek out others who are positive and can help build your confidence. Self-confidence and a positive attitude go hand-in-hand.

Take Care of Your Body

This tip for how to be more confident is based on the idea that it’s hard to feel good about yourself if you’re abusing your body. When you practice self-care, you know you're doing something positive for your mind, body, and spirit—and you'll naturally feel more confident as a result.

Here are a few self-care practices linked to higher levels of self-confidence:

• Diet: Healthy eating comes with many benefits, including higher levels of confidence and self-esteem. When you fuel your body with nutrient-dense foods, you feel healthier, stronger, and more energized, which can result in feeling better about yourself.

• Exercise: Physical exercise boosts self-confidence by increasing body image. And when our body image improves, we feel more confident.

• Meditation: More than just a relaxation practice, meditation can help boost self-confidence in several ways. For one, it helps you to recognize and accept yourself. Meditation also teaches you to stop negative self-talk and disconnect from unhelpful mental chatter interfering with your confidence.

• Sleep: Skimping on sleep can take a toll on your emotions. Conversely, good- quality sleep has been linked with positive personality traits, including optimism and self-esteem.

Caring for yourself is important to self-confidence. Make sure you are getting what you need to feel good about yourself and your abilities.

Taking care of your body doesn't just mean looking good. When you make yourself and your self-care a priority, you are projecting to the world that you matter—which convinces others to feel the same way about you.

Be Kind to Yourself

Self compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail, or experience a setback. It allows you to become more emotionally flexible and helps you better navigate challenging emotions, enhancing your CONNECTION to yourself and others.

Self-compassion is CONNECTED with self-confidence. So the next time you're in a challenging situation, recognize that being imperfect or falling short at times is a part of being human. Do your best to navigate these experiences with compassion toward yourself.

Practice Positive Self-Talk

Negative self-talk can limit your abilities and lessen your self-confidence by convincing your subconscious that you "can't handle" something or that it is "too hard" and you "shouldn't even try. On the other hand, positive self-talk that is optimistic, can foster self-compassion and help you overcome self-doubt and take on new challenges.

The next time you begin to think that you have no business speaking up in a meeting or that you are too out of shape to work out, remind yourself that your thoughts aren’t always accurate. Then find a way to turn those thoughts around into more positive self-talk.

Here are a few examples of ways to challenge pessimistic self-talk and reframe your thoughts into a more positive way of thinking, increasing your self-confidence along the way:

• "I can't handle this" or "This is impossible" becomes "I can handle this" or "All I have to do is try."

• "I can't do anything right" becomes "I can do things right" or "At least I learned something."

• “I can’t meditate” becomes, meditating may be hard, but I can do it. I just need to practice.”

Face Your Fears

Stop putting things off until you feel more self-confident—like asking someone on a date or applying for a promotion. One of the best ways to build your confidence in these situations is by facing your fears head on. IF YOU’RE SCARED- DO IT SCARED.

Practice facing some of your fears that stem from a lack of self-confidence. If you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself or think that you’re going to mess up, try anyway. A little self-doubt can even help improve performance.

You might learn that being a little anxious or making a few mistakes isn’t as bad as you thought. And each time you move forward, you gain more confidence in yourself. In the end, this can help prevent you from taking risks that will result in major negative consequences.

This is, of course, easier said than done, but even small victories can help - even a little progress is still progress!

Do Things You're Good At

What happens when you do things that you are good at? Your self-confidence starts to soar. Your strengths become even stronger, which helps improve your belief in yourself. Taking this approach also has another benefit: it can increase how satisfied you are with your life.

Believing in your ability to build on your personal strengths is related to life satisfaction. This starts with identifying what those strengths are. Then, work to make them stronger by engaging with them regularly.

If you're good at a certain sport, for instance, make it a point to train or play at least once a week. If you're good at a particular task at work, try to do that task more often. Building on your strengths can also help you build your self-confidence.

Know When to Say No

While doing things you're good at can give your self-confidence a boost, it's equally important to recognize situations that can cause your confidence to plummet. Maybe you find that every time you participate in a certain activity, you feel worse about yourself instead of better.

Saying no to activities that tend to zap your self-confidence is okay. Certainly, you don't want to avoid doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable because discomfort is often part of the personal growth process. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with knowing your boundaries and sticking to them.

Setting social and emotional boundaries enables you to feel safer psychologically. It can also help you feel more in control. Self-confidence is, in part, feeling like you have control over your life. Boundaries help establish this feeling of control.

The next time someone suggests doing something that you know will lower your self-confidence, respectfully decline. You don't have to avoid that activity forever either. Once you learn how to be more confident, you may feel strong enough to try it again—without hurting the confidence you have in yourself.

Set Realistic Goals

Pursuing your goals often involves failing several times until you figure out what works. This can make you wonder if you have what it takes to succeed. It can also leave you questioning how to be more confident while still achieving your dreams. The answer lies in setting realistic goals, which are achievable. And the more you achieve your goals, the greater your confidence becomes in yourself and your abilities.

Being More Confident Has a Lot of Benefits

Being confident in yourself just feels good. That said, having self-confidence can also bring many additional benefits at home, at work, and within your relationships. Here's a look at a few of the positive effects of learning how to be confident:

• Better performance: Devote your energy to your efforts. Ultimately, you'll perform better when you have more self-confidence.

• Healthier relationships: Having self-confidence not only impacts how you feel about yourself, but it helps you better understand and love others. It also gives you the strength to walk away from a relationship if you're not getting what you want or deserve.

• Openness to try new things: When you believe in yourself, you're more willing to try new things. Whether you apply for a promotion or sign up for a cooking class, putting yourself out there is a lot easier when you have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

• Resilience: Believing in yourself can enhance your resilience or ability to bounce back from any challenges or adversities you face in life.

Learning how to be more confident can have a range of positive effects on your life. In addition to helping you feel better about yourself and your abilities, self-confidence can make your relationships stronger and make you more resilient to stress.

Where are you on the confidence spectrum? Are you confident? Or is there room for improvement? I can help!

XO Jenna