Gossip
" A healthy mind does not speak ill of others"
Hi Friend!
I think we are all guilty of gossip, but the older I get, I realize how ugly and unnecessary it so. So let’s face the fact that gossip hurts people, ourselves, and damages relationships, Let’s smash it now!
Gossip is anything said about someone to someone that isn't loving and kind and that you wouldn't say directly to the person about whom you're talking . . . you are gossiping. People gossip because of Pride; Envy; Insecurity; and Resentment.
Even under the best of motives, gossip almost always does damage to the relationship that we can never completely undo. Consider some of these life-complicating dangers of gossip:
Damages Relationships- When we learn that a friend has passed on a rumor about us – true, but confidential information – it always does damage to the relationship. The same is true when you are the one passing on the gossip.
Destroys trust- It is virtually impossible to restore complete trust in a person who has shared your secrets with another. And it is vey difficult to trust someone who has just shared with you someone else‘s secrets.
Adds unnecessary complexity- If you’ve ever told a secret that you don’t want somebody else to pass along, you know exactly what unnecessary complexity is. Gossip adds the nagging worry that word will make it back to the person or spread beyond our control.
Devalues the relationship in front of you. Intimate, personal details about a person who is not there always removes you from your present reality and transports you somewhere else. Not only does it distract you from the relational opportunity in front of you, it puts you squarely in the middle of a personal scenario where you do not belong.
Steals Reputation: Gossip can destroy someone’s reputation, leaving them with emotional scars and long-term damage to their social standing. A single rumor or false accusation can spread quickly, making it difficult to recover from the harm caused.
Causes Stress and Anxiety: Receiving or being the target of gossip can lead to significant stress and anxiety, which can negatively impact mental and physical health. Chronic stress can exacerbate conditions like hypertension, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease.
Creates Social Tension: Gossip can create an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust, making it difficult for people to form genuine CONNECTIONS. When rumors and falsehoods spread, individuals may become wary of sharing personal information or being open with others, leading to a breakdown in social cohesion.
Promotes Bullying and Harassment: Gossip can be a precursor to bullying and harassment, particularly in workplaces or social circles where individuals feel empowered to spread rumors or share personal information without consequence.
Undermines Social Order: Excessive gossip can undermine social norms and values, creating an environment where people feel comfortable spreading misinformation or engaging in hurtful behavior. This can lead to a breakdown in social structures and institutions.
Affects Mental Health: Being the target of gossip or engaging in gossip oneself can contribute to depression, low self-esteem, and feelings of isolation. Chronic exposure to gossip can also desensitize individuals to the emotional well-being of others, leading to a lack of empathy and compassion.
It is essential to recognize the harmful effects of gossip and take steps to mitigate its impact. One important ingredient to simplify our lives is to avoid gossip at all costs. If gossip is a source of complexity in your life, try giving one of these steps a shot:
Appreciate the difference between “helpful” and “gossip.” There are times in life when it is genuinely helpful for you to know the personal background or personal details of a friend‘s life. But if someone begins sharing intimate details of another‘s life and you are in no position to help (or have no intention to help), it is not helpful speech. It is gossip. And will only lead to disaster.
Stop it before it starts. If your conversation begins to turn toward gossip, take the high road and end it. A simple sentence that goes like this, “I‘m not sure I‘m in a good position to be having this conversation,” quickly shifts the focus to yourself while communicating your point to your partner.
Engage in meaningful conversations about the people around you. There is a 100% chance that you have not fully explored the deepest places of the heart and life sitting right in front of you. Rather than engaging in conversation about someone else, choose to ask deeper questions about the hopes, dreams, and fears of the people who are present.
Avoid the two greatest causes of gossip: pride and self-exaltation. Gossip makes us feel better about ourselves because we get to revel in the fact that other people have problems too. This is especially gratifying when their problems are seen as more severe than our own. It is selfish pride and a need for self-exaltation that results in that mindset.
Stay positive with your speech. Use positive words as much as possible – even when talking about another. Speaking positively about a person who is not present rarely leads to gossip and almost always leads to a closer ally. This positive speech will also encourage the people around you to do the same.
Celebrity gossip is still gossip. Remember, just because they appear on magazine covers does not make their personal secrets fair game as a conversation topic. Gossip can appear on the pages of a magazine just as easily as it can during a conversation in your living room.
Avoid Negative Influences: Spending time with people who frequently gossip can encourage the habit. Surrounding yourself with positive influences reduces the temptation to gossip.
Focus on Self-Improvement: Concentrating on your own goals and personal growth leaves less time and energy for gossiping about others. It also helps you build a more positive mindset.
Practice Empathy: Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes helps you understand their perspective and the potential harm your words could cause. Empathy fosters compassion and reduces the urge to gossip
Establish Clear Boundaries: Politely but firmly letting others know you don’t want to engage in gossip sets clear boundaries. It encourages respectful and meaningful conversations.
Is it just me or does it seem that with all the things that we could choose to talk about on any given day… the intimate details of another person’s life should be lower on the list than it usually is?
Do you admit to gossiping? Is it a behavior you would like to stop? Let’s talk.
XO Jenna
