Perfectionism
"Perfectionism is internalized oppression"
Hi Friend!
I have been trying to be a perfectionist for most of my life- until- News flash- Perfectionism do not exists. It’s a illusion. What are relief that was!
Perfectionism isn’t just wanting to do well or make things flawless. It’s a complicated mindset that involves setting sky-high standards for yourself and then being extremely hard on yourself when you don’t meet them (bc it’s impossible and an Illusion). This attitude often leads to getting stuck on little details, avoiding tasks out of fear of failure, and being your own worst critic.
Understanding what perfectionism really means is key to seeing how it can spark or fuel a range of mental health problems. While perfectionism is a coping skills, it is often linked to anxiety, and depression and can even be associated with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) for some people. Keep reading to learn exactly how perfectionism can negatively impact your mental health as well as some tips for overcoming it.
8 Reasons Why Perfectionism Negatively Impacts Your Mental Health
Stuck in Overthinking- Aiming for perfection often sends you into a spiral of overthinking. You become paralyzed, constantly pondering the “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios. This paralysis can stop you from making decisions, meeting deadlines, and can eventually lead to rising levels of stress and anxiety.
Practical Advice: Use techniques like mindfulness or breaking your task into smaller chunks. These methods can help you get past the wall that overthinking puts up.
The Pitfall of Comparing Yourself to Others- Many perfectionists judge their worth by comparing themselves to other people. They fixate on what others have achieved or possess, pushing their own unique qualities to the backseat. This leads to harmful feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and can even kickstart social anxiety.
Practical Advice- Focus on your own journey by adopting daily GRADITUDE practices or maintaining a “win journal” to document your accomplishments.
cared of Messing Up- The fear of failure looms large for perfectionists. They see failure as catastrophic, something that damages their value as a person. This extreme fear not only causes stress but can also contribute to more severe conditions like generalized anxiety disorder.
Practical Advice: Reframe your perspective on failure using cognitive restructuring techniques, seeing it as a learning opportunity instead of a life-altering disaster.
Strain in Relationships- Perfectionism can ruin personal relationships. It sets unrealistic expectations for interactions and causes unnecessary tension between friends and family members. It can lead to a cycle of disappointment, social anxiety, and even obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
Practical Advice- Be open with your loved ones about your perfectionist tendencies and strive for authentic CONNECTIONS, rather than perfect ones.
Putting Things Off Because of Perfectionism- Ironically, the drive for perfection can cause you to procrastinate. You avoid starting projects due to the fear that the results won’t meet your high standards. This delay adds to your stress levels and can contribute to feelings of inadequacy or depression.
Practical Advice: Kickstart tasks by using the “two-minute rule” for smaller tasks, creating a snowball effect that makes it easier to tackle bigger projects.
Feeling Physically Bad- The stress that comes from perfectionism doesn’t just stay in your head. It often manifests physically. Symptoms like sleep problems and tension headaches are common and create a vicious cycle that further worsens your mental well-being.
Practical Advice: Incorporate regular exercise, yoga, or relaxation techniques like deep breathing into your daily routine to better manage stress.
Ignoring Your Emotional Needs- In the relentless pursuit of perfection, your emotional needs often get neglected. This lack of emotional self-care sets the stage for long-term mental health challenges, such as chronic anxiety or depression.
Practical Advice: Make emotional self-care a priority. Schedule regular emotional check-ins or engage in talking therapies for more structured support.
Stuck in a Fixed Way of Thinking- Perfectionism can trap you in a rigid mindset, making it hard to adapt to change or learn from experiences. This inflexibility limits personal growth and reduces your overall life satisfaction, further worsening mental health concerns.
Practical Advice: Adopt a growth mindset to break free from the rigidity that perfectionism often brings. View challenges as opportunities to learn and improve.
How to Overcome Perfectionism
Here’s the part that you’ve been waiting for – The perfect way to overcome perfectionism! Just kidding. I’m sorry to say it, but there is NO perfect way. And you’re going to get it wrong…a lot. But here are a few ways to combat that little voice in your head that is constantly telling you to get everything exactly right.
What to do when you get stuck on “perfect”:
Ask yourself “What’s the worst that could happen?” A lot of the time, you’ll find that the outcome if something isn’t perfect…well, the end result isn’t actually that bad. It may be annoying, frustrating, or embarrassing, depending on the specific situation, but the world won’t fall apart.
Think of the bigger picture- When we get stuck on perfect, everything is a big deal. But, is it really? Will you even remember it tomorrow? Or next week? Or next year?
Leave something intentionally imperfect - Did you cringe reading that? If you want to change something, be intentional about it. Leave something imperfect on purpose. Ideally, something that’s meaningful to you personally. By making the CHOICE to accept imperfect, you’re taking back control. Control of your need to be the best, control of your fear that someone will point out your mistake, and control of your tendency to fix everything.
Lower your expectations- Did you know that no one actually expects you to be perfect? To get everything right? That’s all coming from you. Perfectionists, myself included, set unreasonably high expectations for ourselves. And while having high standards isn’t a bad thing, having unreasonable and impossible expectations is. So make an effort to lower the bar a little. Learn to be okay with “okay” in more areas of your life, and save the high standards for the things that really matter.
Concentrate on the process instead of the outcome- If you have perfectionist tendencies, you probably find yourself more focused on the end result than the process. You’re not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re thinking about how it will be when it’s done. But take a step back and try focusing on the process instead of the outcome. Try aiming for progress instead of perfection. Strangely, when you begin to implement this, you’ll actually find yourself accomplishing more!
Talk about it- Another tendency of perfectionists is trying to hide the fact that we’re working really hard to make things perfect. This leads to us feeling a little like martyrs, because no one notices how hard we’re working! A vicious cycle, since we’re the ones trying to hide it. Instead, talk about it. You might find (scratch that, you probably WILL find) that a lot of the things you’re working so hard at, don’t even matter to anyone but you.
Change the way you think about failure- Failure is a dirty word for perfectionists. We tend to avoid or give up at the very thought of failing. But failure is only permanent if you quit. Failing at something is actually one of the best ways to learn what DOESN’T work. Trying something. Fail. Try again.
Be kind to yourself- Think about the words that you say to yourself throughout the day. Would you be friends with anyone who said those same things to you? Be aware and try to flip thoughts like “I’m not good enough to make this work” or “This is never going to be right” into something positive, like “I’m going to try, but it’s okay if it doesn’t go as planned.”
Prioritize- Because we have such high standards for ourselves, we fully expect to be able to get everything done! We expect to be able to go to the gym, go to work, cook an amazing dinner, clean the entire house, and finish an entire project, all perfectly, all in one day. And I fully believe that you can do everything and do it well. But you can’t do it all at once. So prioritizing is key. Picking the most important things, focus on them, and let the rest wait.
Remember, perfection is not a perfect goal- because its an illusion- It’s just a perfect way to add stress to your life.
What steps have you taken to overcome perfectionism in your own life?
XO Jenna
