Radical Acceptance
“Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.”
Hi friend!
Practicing radical acceptance has literally been life changing for me. It takes the focus off others and onto myself. I have learned that I can only control about 5% of things that occur in my life and the rest I have to turn over to my understanding of a higher power, and accept the situation exactly as it- whether I like it or not. In fact, The AA Big Book (on pg. 417) states that “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly as it is supposed to be at this moment.” This has been so helpful the past six years as I have been along my own personal journal. I also love the idea of radical acceptance, which is covered in this blog post.
How to Embrace Radical Acceptance
Why accepting things that cannot be changed helps reduce suffering
Life is often full of hard, challenging, and painful times—and sometimes, these situations are unavoidable and out of our control. It's normal to feel anxious when dealing with difficult or stressful situations. Instead of becoming overwhelmed by stress or regret, learning to practice radical acceptance reduces the risk that this pain turns into lasting suffering.
What does radical acceptance mean?
Radical acceptance can be defined as the ability to accept situations that are outside of your control without judging them, which reduces the suffering they cause. By accepting things for what they are, you can acknowledge your emotions without denying, avoiding, or ignoring the situation. It can be an effective way to process your emotions and manage difficult experiences. Radical acceptance involves:
Acknowledging and accepting the present reality without judgment or resistance
Does not imply approval or agreement; rather, it’s a recognition of what is, without trying to change it
Requires emotional surrender and letting go of resistance, anger, or resentment
Involves a willingness to observe and accept the present moment, without trying to alter it
Is not the same as mindfulness, although mindfulness can be a tool for practicing radical acceptance
Is distinct from forgiveness, which involves a conscious decision to release negative emotions and move forward
Key differences:
Level of surrender: Radical acceptance requires a deeper emotional surrender and letting go of resistance.
Purpose: Radical acceptance is aimed at transforming one’s relationship with the present moment.
Attitude: Radical acceptance is a neutral, observational stance.
Emotional tone: Radical acceptance involves a sense of openness, curiosity, and willingness to observe.
In summary, Radical acceptance is a proactive and intentional practice of acknowledging and accepting the present reality, without judgment or resistance. So lets learn more about radical acceptance because that’s where we want to be when practicing acceptance as a whole.
When to use radical acceptance
As long as stress, sadness, frustration, and grief exist, there will be everyday opportunities to practice radical acceptance. Whether you’re looking to expand your patience and refill your cup as a parent or cope with the death of a loved one, radical acceptance can improve your overall quality of life.
Areas where practicing radical acceptance could be beneficial include:
coping with a divorce
after the loss of a loved one
as an anger management tool
after the loss of a job
preventing rumination
improving your sense of self-worth
as a healthy way to approach weigh loss goals
10 Steps for Practicing Radical Acceptance
Pay attention to what triggers resistance; notice when you can't accept something.
Remind yourself that, in this moment, reality can’t be changed.
Remind yourself that the causes of this reality are outside your control.
Think about what you would do if you could accept what happened (and then do those things as though you had already accepted what happened).
Imagine what things would be like if you accepted the situation.
Use relaxation strategies, mindfulness practices, journaling, and self-reflection to understand your emotions.
Let yourself safely feel your emotions.
Observe how emotions resonate in your body. Is there any tightness, pain, or restriction?
Accept that life can be worthwhile even when experiencing pain.
Decide to commit to the practice of acceptance when you feel resistance come up again.
These steps can help you stop thinking about how things “could have been" and live more in the present moment.
Coping Statements to Foster Radical Acceptance
Here is a list of coping statements you can use when you are feeling as though you can’t accept situations and move on. Keep these handy with you so that you can use them in the moment when you are feeling out of control.
When I fight against negative emotions, I only fuel them to grow larger.
I can’t change the things that have happened in the past.
I am able to accept the present moment exactly as it is.
I can get through difficult emotions even if it is hard.
I will get through this no matter what.
I will survive and this feeling will fade even though this feels painful right now.
It’s possible for me to feel anxiety but still manage this situation in an effective way.
It’s possible for me to accept what happened and still end up happy.
I can choose to make a new path even if I feel bad.
When I remain rational I am better able to make good choices and solve problems.
It’s better to take the right actions than keep judging or blaming.
Radical acceptance is definitely a good tool to keep in your toolkit. Learning how to accept reality for what it is, identify how we are feeling and reduce the amount of pain and suffering we endure during hard times is all definitely important. By allowing yourself to feel without pushing against the current, you are also allowing yourself to move forward and continue to live your life, despite the situations you can’t control. And that right there, is powerful.
Could you benefit from practicing radical acceptance in your life?
XO Jenna
