Vulnerability
“Vulnerability is not weakness, it’s our most accurate measure of courage.” - Brené Brown
HI Friend!
As I have mentioned, I am in recovery. In my experience, nothing tears your heart more open to vulnerability then being in recovery, working the steps, and pealing back the onions. While it was scary at first, it saved my life. So I would be remiss to talk about the definition of vulnerability without citing the work of Dr. Brené Brown, an author and research professor at the University of Houston. Brown has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy.
Brene Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Through her research she discovered two powerful yet opposing takeaways:
1.Vulnerability is at the core of shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness.
2. Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, and belonging.
To find joy, creativity, and belonging, Brené Brown argues that we must face what it means to be vulnerable: shame, fear, and the struggle for worthiness.
“Now every time I witness a strong person, I want to know: what dark did you conquer in your story. Mountains do not rise without earthquakes. ” — Katherine Mackenett
Vulnerability. This word.
What comes to your mind? What does this word really mean to you? Do you sit with the word and let it runs through your veins? Or do you cringe, brush it off and dodge it as if it does not matter? Perhaps, you would have already deciphered what vulnerability personally means to you or perhaps seek to understand it further. I am here to help you unravel, harness and hopefully remind you not to fear and build your walls around it. I would like to begin by emphasizing,
Vulnerability is strength and expansion, not weakness and isolation.
Vulnerability, at its core, is the willingness to expose yourself to the possibility of emotional hurt—and choosing to take that step regardless. It’s a surrender to outcomes beyond your control, with the courage to move forward anyway. We're led to view vulnerability as a weakness, something tied to failure, isolation, betrayal, or pain. Perfectionism, we’re told, leaves no room for vulnerability. These ingrained mindsets shape our perception of what it means to be vulnerable and how we respond to it.
As a result, we often retreat to the opposite side of vulnerability—our ego. Vulnerability becomes something we avoid or hide deep within ourselves. It’s a topic we rarely confront, even within, preferring to bury it rather than embrace it as a strength.
“Honor the space between no longer and not yet.”— Nancy Levin
Vulnerability and Shame
Have you noticed how children are our best teachers? How much they are teaching us? When we are brought into this world from our mother’s womb, we hold the most precious innate innocence, curiosity, awe and vulnerability. When a child falls and gets a bad cut, he/she cries out for the pain. When a child is happy, you see it reflected in their smiles, grins and sometimes, they express it in a dance, kisses on your cheeks or a tight long hug.
I love you. I need you. I am sorry.
There was no holding back in being vulnerable. They also know how to show up for themselves and their truths- which unfortunately is a skill we are conditioned to abandon as we grow older. As we grow older, we learn to cover up our fractured pieces. We do it with this word, Shame.
They are going to laugh at you. You are not good enough. You are not worthy. You should do this instead. It will fall on deaf ear. It happened in the past, it will happen again. Why bother? I will never find love again. There is no need to overshare. I am undeserving of love. You should just do what everyone is doing. Do not be too ambitious. You will never get there. Just keep quiet.
The above are just some verbal examples that each and every one of us can resonate on a personal level. They are conversations said to us or said by us as well as other deeper and darker shame we have consolidated in our life. We have all experienced shame and most of it is triggered by how we perceive people’s judgement of us. We correlate our self worth with their perception. The fear of shame inhibits space for vulnerability. It is important to understand its correlation with vulnerability and knowing that shame only undermines your human potential.
The truth is, all that shame ever does for us, is erect walls based on our past and preconceived self-limiting beliefs in a strive for perfectionism. Honor the space between what had and has not happened yet. Understand perfectionism does not exist. Our individuality is the safe shelter we create for our vulnerability. The numbing of vulnerability only amplifies our ego.
Confront your reasons for shame and you be a step closer in embracing vulnerability.
Vulnerability and CONNECTION
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path towards worthiness.”— Brené Brown
One of the most beautiful aspects of life is human connection. Through these connections, we discover our sense of self-worth, belonging, collective strength, and understanding. However, many people shy away from vulnerability in social settings, fearing it will invite negative emotions like sadness, fear, or grief.
Yet, vulnerability is also where love, empathy, joy, compassion, and kindness originate. It’s through vulnerability that we learn to transform our negative emotions into positive ones. By embracing our pain and grief, we can convert them into love, joy, empathy, and liberation. Everyone you meet is carrying untold stories and hidden pain, but by fostering human connections, we can help each other cope and heal. Vulnerability is the key to building authentic relationships.
It also fosters deeper intimacy in personal relationships. As Dr. Brené Brown highlights in her book Daring Greatly, “falling in love is the ultimate risk that tests our vulnerability.” In an intimate relationship, we open ourselves to our partner, sharing our fears, insecurities, and aspirations. By letting them in, we embrace vulnerability and allow ourselves to be truly seen, loved, and understood.
True vulnerability brings profound growth, and when we find someone who accepts and nurtures that connection, we hold on tightly. Being vulnerable with someone you love isn’t a weakness—it’s the highest expression of love.
Vulnerability and Courage
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”— Kurt Vonnegut
Putting yourself out there, exposing your flaws and insecurities, requires immense courage. It’s uncomfortable, and far easier said than done. And yet, it’s a journey that takes patience and perseverance.
Vulnerability is about facing the darkness within, learning to conquer it in moments of struggle so that you can rise above it. True transformation and connection happen when you embrace not only your inner light but also your shadows. There’s something incredibly powerful in showing up for yourself, in both your best and your worst moments. Beyond fear lies growth and expansion, and vulnerability is the path that leads you there. It’s about recognizing your ego, confronting it, and curating a life rooted in courage and resilience by acting from the heart.
Mastering the art of vulnerability doesn’t happen in a day, or even in a month—it’s a lifelong practice. It requires unlearning the rigid beliefs adulthood has imposed on us and reconnecting with the truths we may have forgotten. To master vulnerability is to continually make a conscious choice to show up for your authentic self, embrace growth, and honor the journey with gratitude, no matter the outcome.
Take the plunge
Vulnerability is a life changer.
Harnessing the power of vulnerability allows you to say what you want, ask for what you need, express your emotions, and celebrate your achievements. Every time you do, you give yourself permission to do it again. Every time you do, you expand that sense of confidence, security, belonging, joy, and growth. With each practice of vulnerability, you’re becoming your true and whole self. Soon, you'll see vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness. You have the power to change your life, one step at a time.
XO Jenna
